Will May Be Better?

I've been looking forward to the end of the semester because I want these classes to end, but lately I've been imagining how much better everything will be. I'll have more time for writing, reading, exercising.

I'm making excuses and looking forward to a "better time" that will probably be no different. So, how can I get inspired about the crap I have to do for school? Because that's what I keep avoiding and what stresses me out the most. I have a feeling that summer and fall will be more of the same. Negativity? Yes. Feeling a little down over here. I think I need to get up to Michigan to see the family very soon.

Not a Good Start to the Week

This morning I blew off a intern meeting at school with the internship coordinator and slept.

Then I woke up at 10:30 and scrambled to get ready for my 11:00 class. Do I need to say I was late? I got to the room with only about ten minutes left of class and Rebecca made a show of my lateness by saying, "Well look who decided to show up at the last possible minute . . . with different hair."

I decided to use my hair as an indicator of my level of determination to make it to class by saying, "Oh, I just didn't have any time to do it." She asked if I straightened it, I said yes, we went back to business. It was cool. I thought about it a minute later and wondered if I would have to straighten it for the next couple of weeks now. I mean, I can't say I didn't have time one day and then give up straightening it the next and the next and the next, can I? I'm being silly. I know.

Happy Easter!

Tonight I went to an Easter dinner and I introduced Wright to a couple of my friends. I see a very outgoing side of him usually, but tonight he was nervous, as anyone would be, and he told me later that he gets bad social anxiety in family gathering situations. I forget that some people only have social anxiety in certain social situations, since I have it in just about any situation (generalized social anxiety).

Well, he was charming and witty and I had no idea. Some people hide it very well. Anyway, I have something to tell y'all.

Take time to put down your burdens and relax.

I recently read a nice analogy that said when you hold a glass of water up for a minute, no problem, an hour and your arm hurts, a day - you might need an ambulance. The same with stress; if you try to manage stressful crap all the time without giving yourself a break you'll crack.

I'm going to keep that in mind this week. After a wonderful, relaxing weekend with Wright, I'm so incredibly behind on my homework. I will be stressed, but I needed this weekend.

What Makes Me Happy:

Thank you Theresa for the comments and suggestions! It really keeps me encouraged to hear something positive about my posts. The one about the scholarship essay still makes me so happy. I don't know where the award suggestion can apply, but I like where her head is at!

I hope this makes you happy:

I've been very unmotivated lately. I don't know the reason, but it could be anything. I blamed school at first, however, it may be allergies. Whatever it is, I don't like it. I want more energy! I'm looking forward to finding out the summer fitness schedule at the gym. I want to get into yoga this summer. I'm hoping it will help me manage stress and get more flexible.

I unveiled a new look yesterday. I call it Low Maintenance Hair Sarah. Basically, I put mousse in my hair and let it curl up instead of flat ironing it. I was surprised to get very positive responses to it. I think I'll have to go with the curly look for the summer since the humidity just won't allow for straightness in hair as long as mine so I'm glad I won't look like a dork. I'll get pics up soon so you can see the difference.

What's Next?

That was fun, now I need a new challenge. Any ideas? I still have to warm up to speaking in front of people. How can I arrange a small engagement to prepare for? I'm not really sure who I can speak to and what to speak about. A small speaking opportunity would be a perfect challenge for me, though. I'll need to look around for something . . .

I actually wanted to go to the gym this morning but it was closed for the holiday weekend. I hope I still have this motivation next week.

Next week my classes will be tough. Two weeks left in this semester, so profs are expecting everything they assigned for the end of the semester to get to them now. I'm not making progress on my anthropology papers so I have to work hard on those. I'm going to enjoy the long weekend though. The weather is beautiful!

Just Got Back From the Gym . . . You Know, No Big Deal.

I feel great! I went up to the ARC with my ipod on and a bottle of water in my hand telling myself I was confident and this is fun. First thing I did was head to the elliptical and as I studied the console, I thought about my earlier post. I didn't know what I was supposed to push to set a program, so I just started pushing buttons. Finally I saw a button that said something like Glute Blaster, which I thought sounded cool so I hit that and stepped on.

Ten minutes of that and I was panting and sweating and ready for a cool-down, so I walked up to the track and did a couple laps, just walking and relaxing.

I wanted to work on the machines to tone my legs, but when I walked around them all I couldn't find any of the machines that I like to use except for the one that tones the outer thigh. I used that one for a little while and then went back to wandering through the machines but the more I walked around the more conspicuous I started to feel. I wanted to work on my quads and hamstrings. Where are those machines? I wanted to know, but I didn't want to ask. I think I can ask in the future, but I just wanted to be invisible this time.

I feel really positive about today. I've been able to rationalize that others in the gym aren't judging me; they're working on their own fitness, and I have every right to be there to take care of myself, too. It'll take more trips to the gym to really get comfortable with this idea, but today was a big step for me.

It's finally here

Just a quick posting to say that today is gym day. It's finally here. I'm nervous and I keep picturing scenarios in my head. In some of them things are fine, in others I can't figure out how to program the Stairmaster and there are so many people I can't get on a machine.

I want to try to relax and have fun with this. Let's get this over with.