Is This Crazy

I want to do some editing, so I've been looking on Craigslist for editing jobs and offering people with book manuscripts free editing in exchange for a recommendation. It's just an internship as far as I see it, although it's a lot of work. I think in the long run it'll pay off both in additions to my resume and in experience editing long works. Is it practical, though? I have a tough semester coming up.

I've been going over my book from advanced expository writing called The Well-Crafted Sentence. It's a great book for learning how to improve your writing style, and it helps pinpoint issues in writing that keep it from sounding fresh. I definitely recommend this book to writers who feel like they need to elevate the level of sophistication in their sentence construction.

I haven't been feeling motivated to read lately and it bothers me. There is so much to read and I feel like I'm wasting some great opportunities to learn new stuff, but sometimes a person just doesn't feel like reading and unfortunately right now is that time for me. I haven't been very hardworking at all lately, though, and I don't know why that is.

It All Started In My Childhood...

It's amazing how tired I am at the end of the semester. With all the assignments I need to get done and turned in, I'm constantly worried that I won't make it in time. It makes it hard to do even simple things like update my blog or throw in a load of laundry. All I want to do is sleep. Sleep is so easy and rewarding.

I saw my counselor yesterday. I'm disappointed in her. She has practically nothing to offer me for advice on pushing past my boundaries. All she did yesterday was sit there and listen to me go on about everything that's gone on in the past month. Occasionally she'll ask something, but today I had to do all the work and she gave me nothing. I could have gone to anyone else and gotten more useful guidance - and I plan to. My friends and readers are better counselors that a trained professional. I'm sure of it. So, from now on I'll still go see Angel, but I'll be seeking most of my counsel elsewhere. Yes, I'll probably be coming here with more questions, and feel free to dispense advice.

Will May Be Better?

I've been looking forward to the end of the semester because I want these classes to end, but lately I've been imagining how much better everything will be. I'll have more time for writing, reading, exercising.

I'm making excuses and looking forward to a "better time" that will probably be no different. So, how can I get inspired about the crap I have to do for school? Because that's what I keep avoiding and what stresses me out the most. I have a feeling that summer and fall will be more of the same. Negativity? Yes. Feeling a little down over here. I think I need to get up to Michigan to see the family very soon.

Happy Easter!

Tonight I went to an Easter dinner and I introduced Wright to a couple of my friends. I see a very outgoing side of him usually, but tonight he was nervous, as anyone would be, and he told me later that he gets bad social anxiety in family gathering situations. I forget that some people only have social anxiety in certain social situations, since I have it in just about any situation (generalized social anxiety).

Well, he was charming and witty and I had no idea. Some people hide it very well. Anyway, I have something to tell y'all.

Take time to put down your burdens and relax.

I recently read a nice analogy that said when you hold a glass of water up for a minute, no problem, an hour and your arm hurts, a day - you might need an ambulance. The same with stress; if you try to manage stressful crap all the time without giving yourself a break you'll crack.

I'm going to keep that in mind this week. After a wonderful, relaxing weekend with Wright, I'm so incredibly behind on my homework. I will be stressed, but I needed this weekend.

What Makes Me Happy:

Thank you Theresa for the comments and suggestions! It really keeps me encouraged to hear something positive about my posts. The one about the scholarship essay still makes me so happy. I don't know where the award suggestion can apply, but I like where her head is at!

I hope this makes you happy:

I've been very unmotivated lately. I don't know the reason, but it could be anything. I blamed school at first, however, it may be allergies. Whatever it is, I don't like it. I want more energy! I'm looking forward to finding out the summer fitness schedule at the gym. I want to get into yoga this summer. I'm hoping it will help me manage stress and get more flexible.

I unveiled a new look yesterday. I call it Low Maintenance Hair Sarah. Basically, I put mousse in my hair and let it curl up instead of flat ironing it. I was surprised to get very positive responses to it. I think I'll have to go with the curly look for the summer since the humidity just won't allow for straightness in hair as long as mine so I'm glad I won't look like a dork. I'll get pics up soon so you can see the difference.

What's Next?

That was fun, now I need a new challenge. Any ideas? I still have to warm up to speaking in front of people. How can I arrange a small engagement to prepare for? I'm not really sure who I can speak to and what to speak about. A small speaking opportunity would be a perfect challenge for me, though. I'll need to look around for something . . .

I actually wanted to go to the gym this morning but it was closed for the holiday weekend. I hope I still have this motivation next week.

Next week my classes will be tough. Two weeks left in this semester, so profs are expecting everything they assigned for the end of the semester to get to them now. I'm not making progress on my anthropology papers so I have to work hard on those. I'm going to enjoy the long weekend though. The weather is beautiful!

Look Good, Feel Good

I've been doing two hundred crunches and ten push-ups everyday this week. I'm trying to make exercise a routine. I read in the Anxiety Book that exercise benefits anxiety sufferers by not only releasing stress, but also improving and affirming self-esteem.

I think it makes sense that if you care about yourself, you take care of your body. That's why I'm trying to stick to the daily plan I have now because it's easy, then I'll gradually add more to the routine. I'm just worried that I won't make it a routine and I'll quit when the stress gets too bad.

I've been feeling great lately and the exercise gives me energy. Unfortunately, it hasn't helped me focus and get my assignments done. Tomorrow I'll try to get caught up with my work.

Like I Have Time to Read

I was shelving at work today and I came across a book on anxiety that looked good. It's called The Anxiety Book: Developing Strength in the Face of Fear. It's by Dr. Jonathan Davidson, Director of the Anxiety and Traumatic Stress Program at Duke University Medical Center. I'm looking forward to seeing what this book can give me. I might share it with my counselor next time I see her, and I'll definitely be posting whatever I think might interest anyone else.

I had a conversation with one of my co-workers in the sorting room today while we were getting books in order. Somehow the topic of anxiety came up (I'm sure that I brought it up, but I don't remember why), and she admitted that she shares a lot of the same feelings I do about social situations. Now, I knew she had some anxiety issues; she often has trouble relating to people and can come across as cold and aloof. I was glad that we had a chance to talk about it finally. I'm hoping I can help her with it in some way in the future. I'm going to need to understand my own problems a little better first, though.