Get Me Back on Track

I've been pushing writing to the back because of a visiting sister and a trip home, but I need to put some words down. I've only managed a few hundred in the past several days and I need to get more. It's hard to focus when my schedule changes like this.

After having car trouble on the way up to see my family, I've started dreading a visit to my parents' house. I don't want to hear my dad grumbling about my problems with cars. When he finds out I forgot my papers for the car at home he'll be even more annoyed.

I just impregnated my protagonist. She's not very excited about it, either, considering her husband let her down big time. I hope things get better for her soon.

Chop Shop

After having two workshops in my fiction writing class, I now hate my fiction writing class.

I was corresponding with one of my classmates about it and I told him that I feel like an utter failure as a writer after our class rips up my work. He tried to tell me that it was just the nature of workshops, but I held to the belief that it's not. I've had several classes where we've workshopped writing and they've always helped me to see the flaws in my writing and turn my work into a better product.

This class is not like that. It feels to me that sometimes it's insecurity that's driving the students' harshness and lack of interest in helping out a fellow writer, but I'm not sure if that's what it is. Maybe they just aren't very experienced writers. The professor I really don't get though. He seldom gives actual positive feedback. And I don't think he's praised anything of mine yet. He should know that beginning writers need a little encouragement and that doesn't mean lying to them. Just let them know they don't suck at writing.

This is a rant, I know. And it sounds very much like I'm blaming everyone but myself, but I'm not trying to, really. I'm just trying to make sense of such a bad experience in a class that's about producing the type of writing I love. It's been disappointing to me, but I'm very thankful I have my feature writing class this semester. Workshops there have helped me produce writing that's suitable for mass media and has been printed in a newspaper. I've learned a lot and gained so much confidence from that class.

It's been hard for me to get to the revisions I have to make on my fiction story. I appreciated the suggestions I got, but I just don't feel motivated to produce more writing for fiction class. The writing is not satisfying at all. I don't like the feeling of putting so much effort into telling a story and then getting nothing from the reader but criticism and disappointment. I know what being a writer means; it means often hearing that someone doesn't like what you wrote. There is usually some safety among other writers, though, and I don't feel that at all with the fiction class.

Need To Get Back In Things ... and Stuff

This blog was originally intended to make me consider my anxiety more frequently and think of ways to overcome it. Lately, I haven't wanted to do anything, though. I feel very low on energy and ambition. I still want things but I don't want to work toward them. I don't know if this is a natural period of rest or a minor depression. I've been resting for weeks and I still don't feel more energized. I had an article idea that I loved, but I've once again given up after the rough draft.

I need something...

What Makes Me Happy:

Thank you Theresa for the comments and suggestions! It really keeps me encouraged to hear something positive about my posts. The one about the scholarship essay still makes me so happy. I don't know where the award suggestion can apply, but I like where her head is at!

I hope this makes you happy:

I've been very unmotivated lately. I don't know the reason, but it could be anything. I blamed school at first, however, it may be allergies. Whatever it is, I don't like it. I want more energy! I'm looking forward to finding out the summer fitness schedule at the gym. I want to get into yoga this summer. I'm hoping it will help me manage stress and get more flexible.

I unveiled a new look yesterday. I call it Low Maintenance Hair Sarah. Basically, I put mousse in my hair and let it curl up instead of flat ironing it. I was surprised to get very positive responses to it. I think I'll have to go with the curly look for the summer since the humidity just won't allow for straightness in hair as long as mine so I'm glad I won't look like a dork. I'll get pics up soon so you can see the difference.

Getting the Wheels Turning

I spent a few hours brainstorming story ideas last night with my writer friend, we'll call him Wright, and we came up with a great character sketch of the protagonist of the story we're collaborating on. It was fun to throw things out there. Wright encourages me to let go with whatever, even if it's stupid. And he never treats me like my ideas are shit. I love that. I can see the two of us getting more comfortable disagreeing with each other's contributions, but that's the idea: we want to get more relaxed working together. Last night we came up with some great stuff.

The point is this: I want to be able to explore my creativity, but I'm afraid to look stupid and I've locked my ideas away from myself. I don't allow myself to go very far with my imagination. Wright is pulling me past my boundaries and that's great for my confidence.

He offered to read the article I wrote about anxiety and to read the ones I want to write. I offer to do this for him, but it didn't occur to me until yesterday that he might want to help me with my own writing. I've said in past posts, this guy is very encouraging of my writing. I never realized how much I need that and how wonderful it is to have it. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I feel really fortunate to have found him.