Get Me Back on Track

I've been pushing writing to the back because of a visiting sister and a trip home, but I need to put some words down. I've only managed a few hundred in the past several days and I need to get more. It's hard to focus when my schedule changes like this.

After having car trouble on the way up to see my family, I've started dreading a visit to my parents' house. I don't want to hear my dad grumbling about my problems with cars. When he finds out I forgot my papers for the car at home he'll be even more annoyed.

I just impregnated my protagonist. She's not very excited about it, either, considering her husband let her down big time. I hope things get better for her soon.

Time to Relax

OK, I'm not really going to relax and be lazy. I don't want to. A friend suggested I sign up for the novel workshop class next semester, but it's full and I can't. I said I still wanted to write a novel along with my friends in the class, so I'm getting started now. I have to figure out what I want to write about by the end of the day tomorrow, and get started on it. So far, I have no idea what I want to write about. I did just decide this about a half hour ago though.

I'm looking through my writing notebook for ideas. I want something fun and light. Most of my pending story ideas are pretty heavy and require research that I don't have time for.

I'll be referring to the NaNoWriMo web site for some help on this. Luckily, I have over four months to write my novel. Gonna check this out at the library. Has some good reviews at Amazon.

Now, to get thinking. I'm thinking it should be a relationship sorta story. Something I won't have to research. Any ideas out there would be welcome. Please share!!

Follow Through

I had a consultation with my feature writing professor, Dr. Gailey, a few days ago and she gave me loads of encouragement, but she said she wants me to work on following through with writing projects more. The meeting was about a revision for my second feature, which I still haven't submitted to her. Despite teaching for thirty years, she said I was possibly the best writer she's ever had. That's a comment I don't think I'll ever forget. She said she sees so much potential in me, and it's hard to describe what that kind of recognition means to me. She invited me to take her documentary II class in the spring even though I haven't taken doc I, a prereq for the course, because she said she's really wanted me in the class ever since she read my first feature.

I'll be hearing soon whether I got the assistant features editor job at The Echo or not, and if I do get it I'll be forced to follow through on writing stories on a regular basis. Dr. Gailey thinks I should be the editor rather than the assistant, and while that's not an option since that position has been filled, I couldn't see myself having that much control. I've never seen myself as a leader, and I really couldn't imagine it.

Is This Crazy

I want to do some editing, so I've been looking on Craigslist for editing jobs and offering people with book manuscripts free editing in exchange for a recommendation. It's just an internship as far as I see it, although it's a lot of work. I think in the long run it'll pay off both in additions to my resume and in experience editing long works. Is it practical, though? I have a tough semester coming up.

I've been going over my book from advanced expository writing called The Well-Crafted Sentence. It's a great book for learning how to improve your writing style, and it helps pinpoint issues in writing that keep it from sounding fresh. I definitely recommend this book to writers who feel like they need to elevate the level of sophistication in their sentence construction.

I haven't been feeling motivated to read lately and it bothers me. There is so much to read and I feel like I'm wasting some great opportunities to learn new stuff, but sometimes a person just doesn't feel like reading and unfortunately right now is that time for me. I haven't been very hardworking at all lately, though, and I don't know why that is.

Chop Shop

After having two workshops in my fiction writing class, I now hate my fiction writing class.

I was corresponding with one of my classmates about it and I told him that I feel like an utter failure as a writer after our class rips up my work. He tried to tell me that it was just the nature of workshops, but I held to the belief that it's not. I've had several classes where we've workshopped writing and they've always helped me to see the flaws in my writing and turn my work into a better product.

This class is not like that. It feels to me that sometimes it's insecurity that's driving the students' harshness and lack of interest in helping out a fellow writer, but I'm not sure if that's what it is. Maybe they just aren't very experienced writers. The professor I really don't get though. He seldom gives actual positive feedback. And I don't think he's praised anything of mine yet. He should know that beginning writers need a little encouragement and that doesn't mean lying to them. Just let them know they don't suck at writing.

This is a rant, I know. And it sounds very much like I'm blaming everyone but myself, but I'm not trying to, really. I'm just trying to make sense of such a bad experience in a class that's about producing the type of writing I love. It's been disappointing to me, but I'm very thankful I have my feature writing class this semester. Workshops there have helped me produce writing that's suitable for mass media and has been printed in a newspaper. I've learned a lot and gained so much confidence from that class.

It's been hard for me to get to the revisions I have to make on my fiction story. I appreciated the suggestions I got, but I just don't feel motivated to produce more writing for fiction class. The writing is not satisfying at all. I don't like the feeling of putting so much effort into telling a story and then getting nothing from the reader but criticism and disappointment. I know what being a writer means; it means often hearing that someone doesn't like what you wrote. There is usually some safety among other writers, though, and I don't feel that at all with the fiction class.

(Forced) Sex on the Beach

Burped gin again
Warm worm of vomit abates
Wash the stars and moons from
Around my eyes
The too-strong stink of sex and drink
My stiff, scratchy towel
Won't scrub away

A sham of a date in the dim
Din of beach waves
Passing over me
His hands mashed
The tips of my tits raw

The riotous ride I tried
To flee
But groggy and smashed
I sunk like a stone
Washed by swells of lust
And amid the dunes, cold
And alone, I awoke

Yeah, I Play Around With Words Sometimes

It's fun to put words together and see how they sound. Lately I've been putting Boggle words together as poems and seeing what they make. It makes me happy.

Romance in the Rubble

He shat atop a tire,
A homemade toilet seat
As I talked with him of friends
Of money and of better things.
We two enjoyed the setting day
In our sheltered garbage heap.

"Bring me the rosiest and broadest
Of those leaves in yonder spray,"
He said,
"And I'll finish up and take you
To the Old Country Buffet."

So our evening plans were made,
In the scarce autumn shade,
As he shat atop a tire,
A homemade toilet seat.

After a Grope

Stout and sweaty
She nods her head
To the beat
Dry, dirty snot on her lip
Beer slosh to each
Bump to her hip
Soot on her ass
From the rub
And riding on the den
Hearth cold and
Clothes flung
Minutes ago now

Leering through the
Smoky blue music mire
She slaps her thigh
And bats her eye

Shallow Grave

Fuck a slob
Deep in the woods
Suck the fat lobes
The vogue love-beat

Handing the goods
With a slap
Snapping the log and
Gushing wet sap
The still wood goes
To bed

I crunch the nuts as
Tripping back in
Dark passages bated
With the beating of
Wings like breath
I helm your death

Editors Ruin Everything

I have another article in print, and just like the last one, the editor made it sound worse than it did before! She took out the dramatic intro, cut things that worked and actually removed the first reference to the playwright at the beginning, leaving the second and only reference -halfway through the feature - as the first and leaving it just the last name! Just "Treadwell." I know this is confusing and you don't know what I'm talking about, but here, just see for yourself.

It's awful, I know. I used the word "electrified" as a cute pun (OK, I know that could be tasteless since the protagonist was killed in the electric chair, but I don't think it is.), and the editor removed it. There's something off about it and I haven't yet compared it to my draft, but it used to flow and now it just blows. This kind of stuff makes me almost want to give up, but I won't. It's too much fun to pick up a paper and see my name above a story.

Plays, Puns and Burning Out In the End

I turned in my Echo feature about the theater department's play. I think it was OK, although I struggled to make it in time for the deadline. I love writing, but sometimes it's hard coming up with the words. I'll get another chance to improve after next week. (There's no paper during Thanksgiving week.)

My sister said she liked how I used "newspaper puns" in my Pulse story. I thought about that and I noticed that I was drawn to using them in my piece about the play. It's funny, when I read stories that use corny puns it annoys me, but I go ahead and use them in my writing.

I registered for spring classes and all I can say is it's going to be rough. I have some notoriously tough classes with notoriously tough professors. I'm sure I'll make it through just fine, but I'll have to push through some major burnout. I'm struggling through it now and I can just imagine how bad it'll be during my last semester.

I have to stay for the summer, sadly. The internship and a computer class are the last things I have to complete before I graduate. It occurred to me that I won't be able to take another class with Rebecca Cook or Jennifer Beech and that makes me sad. They are the two writing professors that have influenced me the most and I really loved being in their classes. If they both offered writing classes in the summer I'd be in them for sure, but I don't think that's going to happen.

Boo Hoo

I want to make people cry. I've been trying to do that for a couple weeks now and I don't think I've even come close yet.

I want people to cry at my story. I'm talking about the one I adapted from the news story about the executions. I think I mentioned this one on here before. Anyway, I think it's come along very well in the last week, but it doesn't have the tension and the emotional gravity that it needs.

Today in workshop one of my classmates had the satisfaction of hearing that she caused one person in class to cry, and others were saddened by her story. It made me want it even more. I want them to weep.

I'm not mean, and I think you all know that (although, I was taking a great deal of enjoyment from my cousin, Joe, getting a root canal today).

Oh, and I'm now volunteering to write feature stories for the school newspaper, The Echo. I'll be turning in my first story on Sunday to be printed in next week's paper.

Thirty

That's all I kept thinking about yesterday. I'm thirty years-old. Now, I'm not complaining. I'm very happy that I've had thirty years and I hope I get to stick around for a whole lot more, but I would just like to have a few more accomplishments to my name. That's all.

I had a good birthday, even if it was boring. Joey (my 14-year-old cousin) and I watched a movie, I drank wine. I gave him some. Is this starting to sound a little creepy? He didn't drink much of the little bit I gave him, but the idea was to let him have a little alcohol so it would seem less romantic, off-limits and appealing, and then maybe he wouldn't think getting trashed was as awesome as a lot of other teens do.

Yesterday I got a ridiculous deal on a digital audio recorder. Originally $109.00, I got it for $54.00 at Best Buy. What's wrong with this thing? I wondered about it. I'm skeptical. I'm also pretty broke and I need to do some interviews. The recorder I had was being unreliable and wouldn't record when I needed it to. This one feels like a lightweight piece of garbage, though.

I wrote about five pages of a short story that I based off of a story in the newspaper Friday. It's about two girls in Somalia who were accused by militants of being spies and were executed by a firing squad in front of the members of their town. Unwilling witnesses to the executions, the people who watched were outraged and horrified. I don't know how much of the story can be real. I want to use the real names of the victims. I also don't want to have to make up a village. I can use the true info, can't I?

Submitting the Draft

I love being in the position to send a draft of an article to a professional editor and get it back for revisions without ever submitting it to a publication. School is great for that. My professor was a magazine editor, and goes through my work line-by-line, looking at sentences and figuring out what I can do better.

I have to figure out where I'm going to send my article when it's done, but I'm sure it'll find a market somewhere.

Today I start on the profile I've been wanting to write for a year. I'm so excited to tell this story. I don't plan on giving the details here, but when it's published I'll put the link up.

I think I'm gonna reread this book by Ralph Keyes. A pep talk would be nice right now.


I still haven't heard back from a few of the writing jobs I applied for. I thought they would have been good experience for me, but it doesn't look like it's meant to be. I'll keep looking, anyway.

Do What You Love

I've recently quit my job at the library and I've been looking into freelance writing. It's something I can do part-time while I'm in school, and guess what: it pays pretty well. Even the low priced freelance writers are able to make $45/hour.

I'm reading The Well-Fed Writer, How To Open and Operate a Home-Based Writing Businessand Writing For Money. I recently checked this book out from my library. It'd be nice if my library had a better selection, but these should be fine for now.

I recently had an article published in The Chattanooga Pulse. I was very happy to see something I've written finally make it to a public medium. It's not going to keep me afloat financially, though. I'll have to find some other ways of making money. This kind of stuff will just allow me to have some freedom with what I write.

To gain some experience doing promotional materials, I've been working with a client in town on print ads, press releases, fliers and a brochure. This is only to gain experience, however, and not a paid job.

I have sufficient education and enough experience to go for professional work, although my experience is very limited. I expect to start work at $30-$40/hour until I've proven that I deserve a raise (a concept that makes me smile). Here's my card:

I don't have much to list just yet, but these are enough to start. I plan to add grant writing, Web content and technical writing to my resume eventually.

I've considered working for a certain online company, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the rates they offer. $5/article seems silly to me. I'm not exactly sure what they're looking for based on the directions they gave me, which were basically: write a 450 word article about Viagra for altitude sickness and add lots of links to other sites. Who would be reading this?

Need To Get Back In Things ... and Stuff

This blog was originally intended to make me consider my anxiety more frequently and think of ways to overcome it. Lately, I haven't wanted to do anything, though. I feel very low on energy and ambition. I still want things but I don't want to work toward them. I don't know if this is a natural period of rest or a minor depression. I've been resting for weeks and I still don't feel more energized. I had an article idea that I loved, but I've once again given up after the rough draft.

I need something...

Excuse Me, I Need a Refill

Sitting at a restaurant, sipping coffee and trying to get my head on straight. I don't know anything anymore.

Last Sunday I had a burst of inspiration and I sat down to the computer trying to get everything out of my head and onto the page. Today I feel empty. It's strange how capricious my bouts of ideas can be. I would rather thoughts came slowly and steadily than all at one moment and then not at all.

Here's a thing: couples with babies make me want to have a child; couples with children make me happy I'm not a mom.

Wright submitted a second article for publication and it still hasn't appeared in the magazine. I'm glad. Today was supposed to be the day that we both submit something and I don't have anything. I think I need a new writing partner. Wright doesn't inspire me anymore. It's not his fault though. I just fear being read and it keeps me from getting something done and ready to get out.

I'm a Happy Girl.

I just am. I feel inspired. I'm writing some articles about environmental issues and corporations corrupting the government. I've been watching documentaries and learning a lot. I'm writing letters. I'm looking for ways to speak up.

Tomorrow's the last day of my first summer class. I didn't perform as well as I would have liked, but I learned so much I don't care if I get a B. I've realized I'm so comfortable in a communication class that I easily participate.

I know that there are still situations that inspire terror in me, but I'm finding my niche and that makes a difference.

I don't have a lot of challenges these days, which is why I haven't been updating regularly, but I plan to challenge myself more. Soon, I hope to post a link to my article in the alumni newsletter. My first official published writing. I'll keep working on something for pay and mainstream, though.

Prepping For Q & A

I'm getting prepared for my interviews tomorrow. I'll be meeting with 2 UTC alums to talk about finding employment in the current economic atmosphere. So far I haven't come up with anything fantastic in the way of questions. I guess I'm not real sure what my focus is in this story. I need to work a little harder on getting a good direction for my inquiries.

I'm not as nervous right now about the actual interviewing as I am about making it to both interviews on time and then to work right after. I'll be beat tomorrow afternoon for sure, but I hope I'll have everything I need.

First Story!

My media writing professor assigned me a real story today. I'll get to do my first 2 interviews ever next week! I'm so excited. This is new to me and I think it'll do great things for my writing.

On top of that, it's going to be published in the alumni newsletter. I may have missed the deadline for my own topic, but I'll soon get something I've written out for the public, albeit a small portion of the public and for free. But I don't care. I just want practice and an opportunity to branch out.

I must admit, I'm nervous about the interviews. I want to be professional, but also personable. I think I'll put too much pressure on myself so I'm going to try not to. I have to get prepared! I need to go into these interviews with some good background info and a direction for the piece.

Missed A Deadline

It's the 20th and I haven't submitted anything. I wish things had turned out as they were supposed to, but it's okay; I'll get something out there very soon. I promise.

I'm getting excited about reporting. I can't wait to take more classes and eventually get an internship with a media publication. I'm also getting interested in activism against the food industry, specifically factory farms. I want to do something with my writing that draws attention to the conditions of the animals and the treatment of the meat people put into their bodies every day -- sometimes at every meal. I want my message to impact people and go far. I stopped eating meat about a month ago, and I watched the documentary Food, Inc. last night, which made me very happy I made that decision.

I need to do more research about libel laws before I say anything in the media, and I need to know more of the facts. But this is important.

Come on baby!

I love summer. I had planned on working on a novel this summer after the article, but I'm giving the idea I was going to write to the person I was collaborating with. It was his idea in the first place. I have another idea but I'll have to develop it for a little while before I start. School starts in a few days so I plan on working on characters and conflict until a couple months from now when I'll have more time.

I was just thinking about the summer before last. I spent most of my time during those months in my apartment. I was miserable at home, but afraid to go out. It was hard for me to think of things to do that didn't involve talking to people. I'm so glad I don't feel that way anymore. I'm looking forward to enjoying Chattanooga's beautiful weather.

Also . . . My niece is almost here! (hence the title of today's blog) My awesome sister, Theresa, is in the first stages of labor with her little girl. I'm so excited to see her at last. I can't wait!