A Reversal of Expectations

Today ended very differently than I expected. I thought I would fail the quiz this afternoon in forensic anthropology, I thought I wouldn't make any progress on my anxiety, and I thought I would still be clueless about my apathy regarding school.

I didn't feel like my conversation with my counselor this morning led me toward what was troubling me with school, but after my applied anthropology class I studied with a classmate for the quiz. I had fun studying with someone, when I usually study alone. I got an A on the exam pretty much because of today's study session. It was encouraging.

During applied anthropology I actually contributed to the discussion. I know these things sound trivial, but seriously, these are big deals to me. I never speak up in class discussions unless I'm called on. The fact that I offered something without being asked to is major. I need to do that more. I'm going to try to next time I'm in class.

I'm working on myself here. I have goals that seem impossible to reach, but I want to get there anyway. I want to write and be published, but I have so much fear about rejection and exposure. I want to be able to speak in front of people, to instruct or lead a discussion if the necessity arises. I have to start small: going to the gym by myself; writing honestly for essays; speaking in class discussions.

Eventually I want to try to get published, and I want to work in an academic library. I just have to get over my fears.